Mar 30 2009
And that’s how the fight started Officer.
I thought this morning I would start with the funny stuff, it’s Monday and some of you are anxious to get your work done. I’m bummed cause I’m waiting for the phone guy to get here and move the fax machine. I’d forgotten that for a moment and imagined that I was going to have a chance to get in some fresh tracks before becoming productive. Oh well.
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told
her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.
And that’s how the fight started, officer.
********************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shi rt’. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security
application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your
pants You might have gotten disability, too’.
And that’s how the fight started, officer.
*********************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?’
And that’s how the fight started, officer.
********************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And that’s how the fight started, officer.
********************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. ‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s how the fight started, officer.
To this day, any time I tell my 13 year old that I’m not happy, he responds, “well then, which one are you?” I know it’s not PC but my goodness that one makes me laugh just thinking about it. Of course as far as PC goes…I think the human race has totally lost it’s sense of humor and really needs to get over it already. There are jokes about every kind of person in every walk of life, I wish everyone would stop being so sensitive and learn to laugh at themselves. I do believe that if we could all relax a bit and not be so offended we’d be much happier. We shouldn’t stifle our laughter, it’s what will get us through the mess that we are in.
I actually lied, I do have work to accomplish before I can ski today so I’d better get cracking! I hope that you don’t think that I’m a slacker because I duck out an get in some turns. It’s my exercise, I don’t have a gym membership and I don’t go to yoga or spin classes. I come into work early so that I can sneak out for a couple of hours and enjoy the snow. It’s even more important to get out there now, we’re down to two weeks before the lifts stop. This coming weekend is closing weekend for Highlands. It’s usually the only time I ever ski there. I’ll have to break out the closing day dress and get it fixed up and ready to wear. You should see this thing, I’ll have to bring a camera. It’s a floor length, red flannel number with a cowboy placard on the front with buttons all round and leather strips on the shoulders. Looks like an 1880’s band leader outfit. Pretty funny seeing that dress flying down the hill.
Have a terrific day!
