Aug 31 2009
Broken Promises
The new job at the Aspen Daily News is turning out to be a blast. After spending the better part of a year alone in an office, it’s like being sprung from solitary! There are other people to talk to. I have good vibes and am thrilled to be busy! My job is all about customer service and that’s perfect for me. Nothing makes me happier than making sure that people get just a little more than they expect.
Speaking of customer service…or lack thereof, I’m still waiting for the loan modification to be completed. After being promised that it would be in place by August, then September, now it’s positively, absolutely, 100% guaranteed to be in place by October. Not that I’m gullible enough to actually believe a word that anyone from US Bank tells me. I’ll believe it when I receive a statement with the new, lower payment. I can only hope that when the new statement arrives, I’ll still have money in the bank to pay it. It seems like it goes out a whole heck of a lot faster than it’s going in. I can’t believe how many hours I worked this summer and now that fall is here, I’ve barely got my head above water! Kind of makes me wonder about Karma. When do I get to cash in my good karma chips? Now would be a really good time!!
Yes, I am elated that I finally have a new full time job, but it’s another $10K step down from where I was a year ago. So it’s bittersweet. It beats the hell out of no salary but doesn’t really solve my financial situation. I need a windfall…like being paid the $8,000 in back pay and having my credit card that has the old company’s debt on it paid off! Or having the house in CT sell so I can finally have my assets available to me! But if there is one lesson I’ve learned over and over again NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED! Actually, I guess I’ve never really learned the lesson since I still tend believe that people are generally good and will be true to their word. I hate to close my heart and allow myself to lose faith in everyone just because of a couple of people but if I keep it up, I’ll be living in a box under an overpass somewhere. Which would really suck when the two people most responsible for my situation are both living high on the hog! Well, perhaps I have to share in the blame a bit since I was the one that fell for their empty promises.
I guess it’s just hard to stay positive with Travis and Keegan, to keep smiling and telling them that everything is going to be ok. I try to teach them to have faith in people and work hard and they’ll earn the rewards that are due them. But in truth, the only people who actually seem to make it in this world are the ones that have no qualms about walking all over everyone else. The people that cheat, lie and break the rules of society are the only ones who reap the benefits. The people like me who keep their nose to the grindstone, who always try to be kind and helpful to everyone around them get nothing but kicked. How do I convince my boys to be fair and honest when their own father has cheated them out of so much? How do I teach them to play by the rules when they can see that all I’ve gotten out of it is, well, nothing, except for my self respect which unfortunately doesn’t pay the bills.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to throw a pity party. I guess I’m just tired and lonely and wish that I had someone’s shoulder to lay my head on and have a good cry. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok. Staying positive while all around you the world is falling apart is just not that easy. My faith is being shaken everyday and lately there hasn’t been much to restore it. It would just be nice to have a few less things to worry about.
